A Culture of Contradictions? Or a world of possibility…

Tomorrow, I will have lived in my new home, Dhaka, Bangladesh for two weeks. It isn’t an incredibly long amount of time, compared to the span of a life, but 14 days, 336 hours, 20,160 seconds (give or take a few) has quite a lot of potential packed into it’s seeming brevity.

For example, already I have traveled on the nearby river by boat-African Queen style. I have enjoyed some amazingly flavorful and creative foods, including an awesome ice cream place called Cream and Fudge (twice!). I have been pampered with a massage and manicure at two different salons (although to get to the second we walked through/around sewage). I have taught 3 full days of school to a not entirely full year 5 (4th grade) class due to the Muslim holiday Eid finishing and strike days being called for political reasons (thankfully we are in the safest part of the city/country). I have been violently ill with what I am lovingly calling “Banglazuma’s revenge” (local missionaries say the "Deshi dash!") by simply brushing my teeth with the tap water…for the record, I will no longer be stubborn on “getting acclimated” and will humbly return to brushing my pearly whites with boiled water. I have gone shopping at some amazing fair trade shops, ridden in a rickshaw three times, and bought some snacks at the local grocery, Pick N Pay.

But through the experience of being introduced to a new culture, a new language, and a new climate (it is seriously hot and sticky here), I can’t help but laugh at the disparity between what we as Americans would call “normal” and how Bengalis define the word. Here are some new examples of "normal" to tickle your funny bone (and perhaps bring some healthy perspective):

-Americans/westerners are considered strange for 3 reasons that I know of already though I’m sure there are more:

1) We use cutlery to eat our food. Where Americans would say it is a much more sanitary way to eat since our dirty hands don’t touch what we put in our mouth, Bengalis would say WE are dirty because “you don’t know whose mouth has been on that fork!”

2) We use TP in the washroom, whereas Bengalis prefer a teapot-like approach with washing/cleaning since TP (pardon the graphic image) just smears it all around down there…ahem. Hence the cultural expectation of doing everything clean with your right hand and things unclean with your left (though of course there are exceptions to that rule).

3) Bengalis laugh at American men who wear shorts, although the typical outfit for the rickshaw wallahs and those of similar class is a skirt-length piece of fabric that they kind of tie up in a knot around the important regions (also where they keep their rickshaw money…ew). Yesterday I had the unfortunate chance of walking behind a man who decided he was too hot to walk with his clothes falling any lower than his bum region…guess it gets the breeze flowing…yeeeea, and shorts are hilarious.

-Women are not allowed to show any kind of emotion in public, yet men are often seen holding hands (interlaced fingers too), arms around shoulders and lower all in a totally platonic, best-buddy way…seriously, I’m not joking. I saw it happen just yesterday. It’s guuuy love…very bromantical.

-Also, modesty is defined a bit differently here: women must ALWAYS wear an orna, which is essentially a long scarf draped around their neck and/or waist. If she isn't wearing one it's almost like she's naked, and in fact I felt a bit naked today after realizing I had left the house without one! Plus, the bottom part of the shalwar kameez ensemble (3 pieces: top, bottoms, and orna) must cover the ankles as apparently that's what really causes the men to stumble here. In fact my sexy ankles (accidentally) got me moved to the front of the line the other day in Pick N Pay. However, on the other hand, a blouse/top may show as much midriff/back as you like! Not so sure why love handles aren't considered sexy...

-And last but not least, I may never understand the British system of doing school!! Ok, that's not true. I'm feeling much better about things after taking a bit of time to study at least the tip of the Brit's educational iceberg, but let's just say I would definitely appreciate your prayers when it comes to teaching this year. Obviously I would appreciate your prayers in simply adapting to the culture but it's going to be interesting juggling both school-life and Bangla-life!

One last thought to leave you with...no matter where you live, which culture you call yours, or what you call "normal," remember this:

"Above all, you must live as citizens of heaven, conducting yourselves in a manner worthy of the Good News about Christ." -Philippians 1:27

Walking by Faith…through the clouds

“Clouds are the sorrows, sufferings, or providential circumstances, within or without our personal lives, which actually seem to contradict the sovereignty of God. Yet it is through these very clouds that the Spirit of God is teaching us how to walk by faith.” –Oswald Chambers

After arriving in Dhaka, Bangladesh at 12pm, August 2^nd, this was the very first thing I read (that wasn’t in Bangla) and I literally laughed out loud. If you had been in my pocket traveling with me, you would immediately know why. In case you’re wondering, basically everything that could have gone wrong on my trip, did. Our flight left from DC two hours late because of mechanical troubles so instead of being on the plane 13.5 hours, we sat on it for 16. Thankfully I had been given some sleeping pills by my gracious cousins who hosted me in DC for a few days while I sorted out Visa troubles (which is a whole OTHER story) and I also sat next to a very sweet Pakistani woman who made the last few hours go by quickly. Sidenote: I had determined from the very beginning that I would be pleasant and as kind as I could be even if things went wrong and I’m glad to say I stuck to my plan (by the grace of God) because by the time we landed in Abu Dhabi, my flight to Dhaka had already left. Thankfully as I exited the plane there was someone waiting for me with new boarding passes to Dhaka (shout out to Etihad airlines) and so almost immediately I boarded a different plane to Dhaka, via Karachi, Pakistan. And that’s where things got even more interesting. Everyone was shuffled off the plane a couple hours later (the middle of the night at this point, although it was probably daytime in the States…I lost track of the sun and all sense of time) and moved toward immigration. I tried to avoid this by asking at least 5 different “official” people who all looked at my boarding ticket, “listened” to what I was saying and then proceeded to tell me to get in the immigration line…which, if you’re not a frequent international flyer, essentially means you’re committing to staying in that country and you better have papers to prove it (which of course I didn’t!). I was far enough back in the line to not panic, when a nice man came up to me and pointed to my name on a list he had in his hand (fortunately for him I was the only white person in the entire Pakistani airport so I was pretty easy to pick out of a crowd). He then took me to a waiting area where two others were needing the same connecting flight to Dhaka. These Bengalis had also ended up in the mess, to which of course my first response was “Hooray! I’m not alone!” It might be hard to believe that the emotional response was joy and relief at having to wait in an airport for 6 more hours before another flight, but these people ended up being just what I needed to get me through. Our seasonal friendship kept us going up to the end where we all made lost and found reports in the Dhaka airport, because even though our bodies had made it to our connecting flight, (surprise) our bags had not!

Let’s pause the story for just a moment to point out something: there were quite a few “clouds” (as Oswald defined) that I had encountered on this hairy adventure, but I continued to choose not to freak out or cry and scream (even though I was tempted to do all 3) and I know it was by God’s grace that I chose to see each different “cloud” as an opportunity to use for His glory. I obviously don’t know the eternal impact of being kind, making friends, and losing my luggage (temporarily, it’s here now woohoo!), but I do know that through the clouds, God was strengthening my dependence on Him. I didn’t even have clothes to change into when I got to Dhaka, and even though there was a moment where I felt a little lost without my “things,” I knew God had my back and He was with me, and that’s really all that matters, period.

So maybe you're going through something and you're thinking right now "Well, at least I'm not that poor girl!"...then I'm glad to provide some healthy perspective :) Or maybe you are questioning those clouds in your life that seem like they may never lift. Don't worry...God hasn't left you, in fact He's moving in the clouds to make you weaker, so that you depend on Him more strongly than you ever thought possible.  Keep walking with Him!

Ruthless Trust

So it's been a few weeks since I made the decision to (in 5 months) say goodbye to life here in Quito and say hello to a completely exciting and scary new world in Dhaka, Bangladesh. Echoing sentiments from my last post, there have still been definite ups and downs since making the decision, but through the emotions of fear, doubt, and sadness, I have been clinging in trust to my Heavenly Father who works above and beyond anything we can think or imagine. I've also been reading a book by Brennan Manning called Ruthless Trust: The Ragamuffin's Path to God which has been the perfect comfort/challenge in this transition time. One part that expresses in more beautiful words than I ever could, answers the cry of my flesh these past few days...

"The reality of naked trust is the life of a pilgrim who leaves what is nailed down, obvious, and secure, and walks into the unknown without any rational explanation to justify the decision or guarantee the future. Why? Because God has signaled the movement and offered it his presence and his promise."

I am eternally grateful for His presence in this weird limbo-like phase this pilgrim is walking through...I must admit that knowing I'm leaving sure makes me thankful for a good many things about this country and its people. And despite the heartbreak, there truly is joy in the journey if you walk with Jesus - the best pilgrim who ever lived!

Showing Me

This week has been a roller-coaster of emotion. I've been praying and many others have been praying with me (thank you all!) about a decision to move to Bangladesh to teach next year. To back up a little, a year or so ago I started reading a book called Revolution in World Missions by K.P. Yohannan (you can order this book free from Gospel for Asia, K.P.'s organization http://www.gfa.org/offer/freebook/). Through his book and other influences, God has been drawing my heart toward the great need of Asia to experience the Gospel. I know it has to be the Lord pulling me because I've never before been interested in even visiting that part of the world!  And believe me, I know the difference between a call and a travel bug...I'm familiar with and have battled both. So it's hard to believe but this whole process started just over a month ago when I told our director or personnel that I have been feeling a change. It's thanks to her that I found out about Mission Teach.org which helped me connect with Grace (website below)! I am also grateful to supportive friends and family and for the Lord's peace that passes all understanding that He has given me this week as I prayed and fasted for his will. If you'd like to know more, please feel free to write me...it's hard to write when my heart is so full!

Below are some interesting links and a song that has meant a lot to me these last few days. Blessings!

http://www.graceinternationalschool.org/
http://virtualbangladesh.com/


Show Me by Audrey Assad

"You could plant me like a tree beside a river
You could tangle me in soil and let my roots run wild
And I would blossom like a flower in the desert
But for now just let me cry

You could raise me like a banner in a battle
Put victory like fire behind my shining eyes
And I would drift like falling snow over the embers
But for now just let me lie

Bind up these broken bones
Mercy bend and breathe me back to life
But not before You show me how to die

Set me like a star before the morning
Like a song that steals the darkness from a world asleep
And I'll illuminate the path You've laid before me
But for now just let me be

Bind up these broken bones
Mercy bend and breathe me back to life
But not before You show me how to die
Oh, not before You show me how to die

So let me go like a leaf upon the water
Let me brave the wild currents flowing to the sea
And I will disappear into a deeper beauty
But for now just stay with me
God, for now just stay with me."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9b5Snkw18Lg

A New Year

A bit belated and most definitely counter-intuitive New Year's toast:

"May all your expectations be frustrated, may all your plans be thwarted, may all your desires be withered into nothingness, that you may experience the powerlessness and poverty of a child, and sing and dance in the love of God who is Father, Son, and Spirit." -Larry Hein

I was reminded of a recent series our small group studied called Ordinary Radicals put out by the Meeting House Church in Canada (http://www.themeetinghouse.com/teaching/archives/2012/ordinary-radicals/). Pastor Tim's exegesis of the Matthew 5 Beatitudes is powerful teaching: in short, to live an abundant life as Christ followers we must turn over our rights to 1) Possessions 2) Pleasure and 3) Power. Common sense tells us we are vulnerable and helpless and even purposeless without control of important "stuff" in our lives like material goods, financial obligations, entertainment/pleasure, etc. But despite our human misgivings regarding surrender, Christ tells us that his power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Cor. 12:9-10).

So this New Year, I pray that you and I can experience the powerlessness of self and in surrender, the power of Christ to transform our hearts as we learn to sing and dance in the love of our Savior!

Gospel-Humility

In his book The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness, Timothy Keller discusses Paul's paradigm shifting concept of judgement vs. Gospel-humility.

1 Corinthians 3:1-4:5
"When [Paul] says that he does not let the Corinthians judge him nor will be he judge himself, he is saying that he knows about his sins but he does not connect them to himself and his identity. His sins and his identity are not connected. He refuses to play that game. He does not see a sin and let it destroy his sense of identity. He will not make a connection. Neither does he see an accomplishment and congratulate himself. He sees all kinds of sins in himself - and all kinds of accomplishments too - but he refuses to connect them with himself or his identity. So, although he knows himself to be the chief of sinners, that fact is not going to stop him from doing the things that he is called to do."

Our society promotes that if we feel bad about ourselves, the solution is to stop caring about what others think and set my own standards to "be myself." However, even in trying to live up to my own standards, I inevitably fail and then I feel bad again because I have fallen into the trap of judging myself, which directly correlates to how I compare myself to others.

I think I can relate to the older brother in the story of the Prodigal Son. Though the older brother remained in the presence of his father, he still was victim to his own pride in looking for praise in his accomplishments and also affirmation in not roaming off and squandering his father's wealth - he was playing the comparison game by judging himself and his brother. And so, in his focus on self, his pride and condemning spirit spoiled the closeness he could have experience with his father.

So here's the mind-wrinkling part: when I try to live up to others standards and my own standards, letting my opinion of myself and even my identity change according to each situation, I will ultimately fail. But when I understand that my identity is in Christ and don't let my actions, good or bad, define who I am, I experience what Keller calls "self-forgetfulness."

"The essence of gospel-humility is not thinking more of myself or thinking less of myself, it is thinking of myself less....True gospel-humility means I stop connecting every experience, every conversation, with myself. The freedom of self-forgetfulness. The blessed rest that only self-forgetfulness brings."

We're not talking about high or low self-esteem, opinions or self-love/hate, we're talking about a complete trust in who Christ died for me to be - failures, accomplishments and all - to "know nothing but Christ and Him crucified" (1 Cor. 2:2).

Surrender

Oswald Chambers says to "beware of some surrender that you make to God in an ecstatic moment in your life, because you are apt to take it back again (like Peter in John 21). True surrender is a matter of 'being united together [with Jesus] in the likeness of His death (Romans 6:5), until nothing even appeals to you that did not appeal to Him."

I'm realizing that surrender is a daily privilege that challenges the core of my being. It threatens the common sense and logical nature of my humanness, calling out that which is as fundamental and in-born: my spiritual nature. Like waves crashing against the shore, the push and pull of these two forces entice and repulse my will, begging for mastery. And still, will and purpose, hand-in-hand reminders illuminating motive, question my allegiance - to whom/what will I surrender? It's a daily battle, answering this question...influenced by external choices and internal distractions. Sometimes I even forget to ask the question at all.

Today I remember - "So remove your dark deeds like dirty clothes, and put on the shining armor of right living." Romans 13:12

Seek forgiveness, move on and pick up your cross once again.

"Tengo mi cubo de piedra
y el puñado de herramientas.
Mi voluntad lo recojo
como ropa abandonada
desperezo mi costmbre
y otra vez retomo el mundo.

I have a block of stone
and my handful of chisels.
I gather up my will
like abandoned clothes,
shake old habits from their sleep
and once more take up the world."

-Gabriela Mistral, from La Desasila/Woman Unburdened