Surrender

Oswald Chambers says to "beware of some surrender that you make to God in an ecstatic moment in your life, because you are apt to take it back again (like Peter in John 21). True surrender is a matter of 'being united together [with Jesus] in the likeness of His death (Romans 6:5), until nothing even appeals to you that did not appeal to Him."

I'm realizing that surrender is a daily privilege that challenges the core of my being. It threatens the common sense and logical nature of my humanness, calling out that which is as fundamental and in-born: my spiritual nature. Like waves crashing against the shore, the push and pull of these two forces entice and repulse my will, begging for mastery. And still, will and purpose, hand-in-hand reminders illuminating motive, question my allegiance - to whom/what will I surrender? It's a daily battle, answering this question...influenced by external choices and internal distractions. Sometimes I even forget to ask the question at all.

Today I remember - "So remove your dark deeds like dirty clothes, and put on the shining armor of right living." Romans 13:12

Seek forgiveness, move on and pick up your cross once again.

"Tengo mi cubo de piedra
y el puñado de herramientas.
Mi voluntad lo recojo
como ropa abandonada
desperezo mi costmbre
y otra vez retomo el mundo.

I have a block of stone
and my handful of chisels.
I gather up my will
like abandoned clothes,
shake old habits from their sleep
and once more take up the world."

-Gabriela Mistral, from La Desasila/Woman Unburdened

Rainy Season Haiku

Chills - a paradox:
Hot and cold other-body
In rebellious skin.


This might have inspired an early bedtime complete with hot tea and a certain favorite electric blanket...

Far from Accident

Sonnet 124

"If my dear love were but the child of the state,
It might for Fortune's bastard be unfather'd,
As subject to Time's love or to Time's hate,
Weeds among weeds, or flowers with flowers gather'd.
No, it was builded far from accident;
It suffers not in smiling pomp, nor falls
Under the blow of thralled discontent,
Whereto th' inviting time our fashion calls:
It fears not policy, that heretic,
Which works on leases of short-number'd hours,
But all alone stands hugely politic,
That it nor grows with heat, nor drowns with showers.
To this I witness call the fools of time,
Which die for goodness, who have lived for crime."
                                -William Shakespeare

When reading this sonnet,  I first found the biting criticisms aimed at political systems to be very appropriate as the election is fast approaching. Policy, pomp, fashion, are all subject to Time's love and hate, changing as often as people's whims. In contrast, the lasting Love that is created by design, not by accident, is our eternal hope and good. So this November I'm trusting the Eternal Love to work through/in spite of whichever candidate He allows and I'm holding onto Proverbs 21:1 "The king's heart is in the hand of the Lord, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will." Some may say I'm not doing my civil duty or choosing apathy by not voting, but this time around I can't in good conscience support either candidate, and so not voting is my vote. And for those feeling caught up in the political melee, let Mr. William Shakespeare remind us that while budgets, candidates, and policy are not eternal, our love for our God and for one another IS.

The Pervasive Presence of Christ

Brennan Manning in his book Abba's Child: the Cry of the Heart for Intimate Belonging, shares what it means to intentionally live in the presence of Jesus Christ:

"Living in the awareness of the risen Jesus is not a trivial pursuit for the bored and lonely or a defense mechanism enabling us to cope with the stress and sorrow of life. It is the key that unlocks the door to grasping the meaning of existence. All day and every day we are being reshaped into the image of Christ. Everything that happens to us is designed to this end. Nothing that exists can exist beyond the pale of His presence ('All things were created through him and for him' - Colossians 1:16), nothing is irrelevant to it, nothing is without significance in it." 

So this begs the question, how aware am I of the risen Christ? Does He fit in to my schedule only if I don't have anything else more "important" to do? Is He only a safety net for times when I need extra comfort or peace? My friends, Jesus Christ is not a means to an end - He is the means and He is the end. How I choose to live in the awareness of his presence affects everything that I am. He is the key, period. Not the key to holiness, not the key to righteousness or joy, He is. I am nothing without Him, and everything I say or do without the blessing and agreement of His presence, is in vain. And each day I live for Him He is shaping me into the precious image of Himself, drawing me closer to the Father.

How aware are you of the risen Christ?

"Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." -Collosians 3:1-4

There is Joy in the Journey

First of all, if you are not yet familiar with the artist (and in my opinion, poet) Michael Card, let me be the first to recommend one of the most talented and Spirit-filled musicians out there. Yes, Dad, I know I used to make fun of you for listening to "old people" music, but with age comes wisdom *cough cough* and I can now appreciate the Scripture-filled lyrics and soul-nourishing music that I secretly loved growing up (*insert gloating father comment here*). 

This song is called Joy in the Journey and if you're not sure how this message could apply to your life, here's my advice: keep living. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1kMjH6XW5Y

"There is a joy in the journey
There's a light we can love on the way
There is a wonder and wildness to life
And freedom for those who obey

And all those who seek it shall find it
A pardon for all who believe
Hope for the hopeless and sight for the blind

To all who've been born in the Spirit
And who share incarnation with Him
Who belong to eternity stranded in time
And weary of struggling with sin

Forget not the hope that's before you
And never stop counting the cost
Remember the hopelessness when you were lost

There is a joy in the journey
There's a light we can love on the way
There is a wonder and wildness to life
And freedom for those who obey

And freedom for those who obey..." 

Do you long for freedom? Obey the voice of the One who has already paid your debt and wants to bring you joy. He isn't far away - your Savior is close by and if you are struggling with sin, surrender it to Jesus. Ask for His strength to do what you know you should. I am finding there is no other way to fulfilling wonder and wildness to life except through surrender and obedience to Jesus. If you're not sure what all this "freedom for those who obey" stuff means, try it sometime...see what happens.

PB (post blog, not peanut butter) Shout out to Joel Kramer and anyone else who encouraged me to keep writing on this silly thing called the interwebs...I don't feel that I have much to say but maybe our journeys can love the light together, as we travel on our way. 

Juggling

Sometimes it feels like a juggling act when you're going about life, happy to do what you know you need to do, and then something new gets thrown in the mix...and then something else, oh and don't forget about that, and that, and then there's that other thing coming up. These days I feel like I've been tossed some chainsaws. But amidst the seeming chaos and potential crash of this life I'm juggling, the "Ringmaster" hasn't left me to fall.

Though I've never been very good at the real thing (juggling), I'm finding that when I give God the control, somehow I don't lose my grip. Christmas seemed like a whirlwind (and pretty much all first semester for that matter). It was wonderfully refreshing to comfortably be myself with my family in Florida, but it was also a relief to come home, enjoy my roommate, apartment, my friends here, and even my ornery kitties. I am unbelievably blessed by God's provision and how He has used me this year at AAI. It has been wonderful not to come in brand-new and start a position from scratch! Though I am obviously still learning what it means to be an elementary chaplain, a friend, a challenging yet encouraging sister in Christ, a good employee, a good renter, a good sister/daughter, and a good steward, I am thankful for the stretching and even sometimes breaking experiences God has led me through this past year.

Part of that experience has been learning to seek joy despite circumstances, attitudes and extras. Psalm 139 has truly been a comfort and challenge lately. Though I don't know all the ins and outs of what I do and who I am, my Father does, and He goes before me. The other side to that coin, is that He also knows what I do and say and why, before I ever do or say anything. He alone can search me and know my inmost being...confronting me with motives or attitudes I may not consciously be aware of. Through it all, to trust God totally, surrendering everything to Him, is pure joy. The process isn't sunshine and rainbows, but the joy in the journey means everything.

A thought to chew on:
"Love Him totally who gave Himself totally for your love." -St. Clare of Assissi

It's good to be "home"

The concept of "home" is turning into a more dynamic concept than I ever could have thought.

I've been doing a lot of travelling the last 2 weeks I've been in the States. I flew in from Quito and almost immediately set out to visit Hillary and Ian in Illinois (thanks Mom and Dad for letting me borrow your car). We had a really great time taking a day trip to Chicago, shopping at half-price bookstores, and just being together. It was good to be with my twin/family and to also see some wonderful friends from college who came to spend the 4th with us. On my way back to WV I stopped by a friend's house to spend time with her and her family and it was good to be together again. After being home for less than 24 hours, I set off for Southern Ohio (where I grew up) to speak at my church the next morning. I spent the night with a friend from high school and her crazy/wonderful family who had just finished cleaning up after their son's wedding. I loved seeing a lot of friends (who are more like family) from growing up. The next morning I spoke at the church I spent most of my life in and after service, caught up with my church family and went to eat Mexican food with friends. On the way back to WV, I called some friends because I was thinking about them, and incidentally they had been thinking about me too so I went over for dinner and didn't get back to the house until 10 that night.

Needless to say, I've been wonderfully busy since coming home. But where is home? Can it be defined by a building? A house or church, a city or state? Home isn't a location or a zip code. Home is where my family is, no matter what state they currently live in. Home is where my friends are, no matter how far apart or close they are. Home is community: a body of believers worshipping and loving with the same Spirit. I do feel at home when I look up and see the WV foothills and when I drive down curvy windy roads, but mostly I feel at home when I am with the people I love.

Thank you, family and friends for the home you have created for me, no matter where you are. You will always be my home. Thank you, Heavenly Father for always being my one true Home, no matter where I go, no matter where I lay my head, you are my eternal Home.