Sometimes it feels like a juggling act when you're going about life, happy to do what you know you need to do, and then something new gets thrown in the mix...and then something else, oh and don't forget about that, and that, and then there's that other thing coming up. These days I feel like I've been tossed some chainsaws. But amidst the seeming chaos and potential crash of this life I'm juggling, the "Ringmaster" hasn't left me to fall.
Though I've never been very good at the real thing (juggling), I'm finding that when I give God the control, somehow I don't lose my grip. Christmas seemed like a whirlwind (and pretty much all first semester for that matter). It was wonderfully refreshing to comfortably be myself with my family in Florida, but it was also a relief to come home, enjoy my roommate, apartment, my friends here, and even my ornery kitties. I am unbelievably blessed by God's provision and how He has used me this year at AAI. It has been wonderful not to come in brand-new and start a position from scratch! Though I am obviously still learning what it means to be an elementary chaplain, a friend, a challenging yet encouraging sister in Christ, a good employee, a good renter, a good sister/daughter, and a good steward, I am thankful for the stretching and even sometimes breaking experiences God has led me through this past year.
Part of that experience has been learning to seek joy despite circumstances, attitudes and extras. Psalm 139 has truly been a comfort and challenge lately. Though I don't know all the ins and outs of what I do and who I am, my Father does, and He goes before me. The other side to that coin, is that He also knows what I do and say and why, before I ever do or say anything. He alone can search me and know my inmost being...confronting me with motives or attitudes I may not consciously be aware of. Through it all, to trust God totally, surrendering everything to Him, is pure joy. The process isn't sunshine and rainbows, but the joy in the journey means everything.
A thought to chew on:
"Love Him totally who gave Himself totally for your love." -St. Clare of Assissi
